I had a student one year with severe behavioral challenges. One day, he stomped and screamed his way to the office yelling, “That’s not fair! I don’t want to go to time out. I want things my way…things never go my way!”

What do desktop clutter, inadequate tools for the job, a too-chatty co-worker and a troublesome relationship with the boss have in common?

They’re all tolerations, the little and big things you put up with—often without realizing it—that zap your energy and drain your life force. Every time you tolerate something, you deplete the energy you could be using to grow your business, make desired changes, or to simply experience joy. It’s like living with a low-grade fever or pain that somehow dulls your experience and zaps your full vitality. 

Major disruptions are a “gotcha” we all experience at one time or another in our lives. We get fired, suffer a break up, get laid off or passed over; a loved one dies, a project stalls or gets cancelled. The list, unfortunately, is endless. 

For some, the impact of hard times is overwhelming. Recovery, if it comes at all, can be painfully slow. Others show resilience and are admirably able to glide through these times quite easily…bouncing back quickly to a normal life.

“I just don’t know what the right decision is,” she said over the phone, and I could tell she was fighting back tears.

“I’m so unhappy. Maybe if I wait a little longer, he will change. I’ve already tried for so long to make it work. I just want to be in a happy relationship with someone who likes to do things with me. I would love to go to plays, ride bikes…you know, just have more fun. He doesn’t want to do any of that.  But what if I leave and never meet anyone else? What would I do then? At least now I have someone, and I’m not completely alone.”

That dreaded question we all struggle with at times in our lives: Do I stay, or do I go?

Tom was sure he was one of the unluckiest people on the planet. His favorite quote was, “If something bad is going to happen, it’s going to happen to me.” Tom seemed to encounter obstacles wherever he would go. If there was a major traffic jam, he was in the middle of it. When his company downsized, he was the first laid off. And when he traveled, his luggage was lost…multiple times. The list could go on and on, and it did! By the time I met Tom, he was pretty cynical. He was sure that life was stacked against him and that nothing on the planet could change that reality.

Based on Tom’s experiences, he could argue his viewpoint was valid. He would note other people he knew and point out how their life flowed easily while he seemed to encounter one hardship after another.

“Have you ever considered that your brain has been hardwired to see hardship?”   

Ask people why they’re stressed, and they’re likely to say that it’s the internal deadlines, too much work and too little staff, or perhaps the family’s over packed schedules.

Automatic, negative responses to people or events often indicate a hypersensitivity that’s referred to as “getting your buttons pushed.” These emotional reactions can limit career advancement, destroy relationships and cap the level of success you might achieve in many aspects of life. Usually, these sensitivities have their origins in hurtful childhood experiences, such as repeatedly being criticized, rejected or controlled.

The Key to Goal Achievement and Productivity!

So, what does it mean when you are going with the flow, but instead of holding on loosely, you have let go entirely and are completely unmotivated and unproductive?

I got a lot of positive feedback on the newsletter about surrendering New Year’s resolutions. I think it spoke to a number people.  I had to practice my own advice quite a bit last fall as I was rebranding my business. I had hoped to have my new logo and website completed by November 2016. 

As we move into the new year, you hear a lot about setting goals and New Year’s resolutions. That has never been something I do. My experience has been a lot like many people; you start off strong, but then when the results are not seen, the energy changes.

Hope. Mindfulness. Renewal. Relationship management. These terms may sound like the elements of a marriage encounter, but they are also at the heart of the concept of “resonant leadership.” 

“We can build our leadership upon fear, obligation, or trust. However, only a foundation of trust results in the collaboration and goodwill necessary to achieve our peak performance.”

In the corporate setting, it seems the idea of serving others as we would serve ourselves has changed to self-serve only.

Empower yourself, smile, and be positive!  In keeping with this month’s focus on happiness, here are 10 behavioral choices that can block happiness. If you notice you engage in a couple of these behaviors, don’t beat yourself up just decide to change it and start today!

You are conditioned to be unhappy!

A happy person is more difficult to find than a billionaire in the world today.

Tony Robbins shared that thought during an interview and my ears perked up because on a recent search for the most requested self help topics, happiness came in at the top of the list.

Are we that unhappy as a society? If so, what might be contributing to this unhappiness?

We humans tend to be like pack animals—safe in our herds. We don’t like to stand out too much; at a primal level it feels unsafe.

So the question is…do you conform or think?

So we conform to generally accepted standards of behaviors, attitudes and beliefs within our herds, and we mostly expect others to as well.

A 75-year-old woman is not likely to dress like a 15-year-old, for example. She doesn’t belong to that tribe and may be alienated by her own tribe if she were to dress like that.

Most of the time, we don’t even realize we are conforming. We do what others do because others do it, not because we have consciously and thoughtfully chosen it. It’s just “what is done.” Or we conform because of pressure and expectations.

Everything is connected. When the mind and body are in sync, anything is possible. Learn more about the mind-body approach.