Are you still in a space of emotional recovery after the rollercoaster ride of Irma?! I have heard numerous comments from both friends and clients that they are still trying to catch their emotional footing after the ordeal of this hurricane. They express feeling emotionally wiped out, wavering between feeling relieved it is over, happy they came out okay, guilty that others got it worse, exhausted and worried if or when it could happen again. 

In case you haven’t noticed, Western Society tends to focus on the negative. The media would have us all in doomsday depression if we didn’t know better. Friends and relatives mean well, but sometimes they just can’t help themselves. People are often critical and degrading…of us, of others, and of themselves...

To anyone who’s ever been overwhelmed, and that’s plenty of us, those words may be all too familiar. Whether the experience is sudden or cumulative, chronic or acute, the feeling is one of drowning, immobility and powerlessness.

Heather, a baker for a catering company, began having issues with one of her co-workers after he bulldozed over her experience and capability in the kitchen. After her resentment had built up to a nearly unmanageable level, she called for a meeting, during which she explained to him how she was feeling.

Life is about making choices.

Imagine bellying up to the counter at your local Haagen Dazs and saying to the server, "Put in there whatever you think I'd like".

Of course, you wouldn't do that. With a veritable rainbow of ice cream flavors tempting you, making a choice might be difficult, but you would do it. "Give me Cherries Jubilee and Chocolate Night, put the chocolate on the bottom, and get a scoop with lots of cherries in it for the top." 

A client was experiencing a challenge with an employee. The employee was acting arrogant; like a ‘know it all’ about a project being developed by the team.

The individual’s attitude had created tension among both team members and the boss. The boss had addressed this attitude several times, but the employee continued to act like the expert; convinced that his analysis of the project was correct.

The longer daylight hours and warmer temperatures of summer are looked forward to by most, but summer can bring on its own set of stressors. I often hear people express both happiness and trepidation about the change of season. Remember to take a deep breath when your emotions heat up. Here’s a list of seven potential summer stressors and some ways to think consciously so you can stay cool when your emotions heat up this summer.

I had a student one year with severe behavioral challenges. One day, he stomped and screamed his way to the office yelling, “That’s not fair! I don’t want to go to time out. I want things my way…things never go my way!”

What do desktop clutter, inadequate tools for the job, a too-chatty co-worker and a troublesome relationship with the boss have in common?

They’re all tolerations, the little and big things you put up with—often without realizing it—that zap your energy and drain your life force. Every time you tolerate something, you deplete the energy you could be using to grow your business, make desired changes, or to simply experience joy. It’s like living with a low-grade fever or pain that somehow dulls your experience and zaps your full vitality. 

Major disruptions are a “gotcha” we all experience at one time or another in our lives. We get fired, suffer a break up, get laid off or passed over; a loved one dies, a project stalls or gets cancelled. The list, unfortunately, is endless. 

For some, the impact of hard times is overwhelming. Recovery, if it comes at all, can be painfully slow. Others show resilience and are admirably able to glide through these times quite easily…bouncing back quickly to a normal life.

“I just don’t know what the right decision is,” she said over the phone, and I could tell she was fighting back tears.

“I’m so unhappy. Maybe if I wait a little longer, he will change. I’ve already tried for so long to make it work. I just want to be in a happy relationship with someone who likes to do things with me. I would love to go to plays, ride bikes…you know, just have more fun. He doesn’t want to do any of that.  But what if I leave and never meet anyone else? What would I do then? At least now I have someone, and I’m not completely alone.”

That dreaded question we all struggle with at times in our lives: Do I stay, or do I go?

Tom was sure he was one of the unluckiest people on the planet. His favorite quote was, “If something bad is going to happen, it’s going to happen to me.” Tom seemed to encounter obstacles wherever he would go. If there was a major traffic jam, he was in the middle of it. When his company downsized, he was the first laid off. And when he traveled, his luggage was lost…multiple times. The list could go on and on, and it did! By the time I met Tom, he was pretty cynical. He was sure that life was stacked against him and that nothing on the planet could change that reality.

Based on Tom’s experiences, he could argue his viewpoint was valid. He would note other people he knew and point out how their life flowed easily while he seemed to encounter one hardship after another.

“Have you ever considered that your brain has been hardwired to see hardship?”   

Ask people why they’re stressed, and they’re likely to say that it’s the internal deadlines, too much work and too little staff, or perhaps the family’s over packed schedules.

Automatic, negative responses to people or events often indicate a hypersensitivity that’s referred to as “getting your buttons pushed.” These emotional reactions can limit career advancement, destroy relationships and cap the level of success you might achieve in many aspects of life. Usually, these sensitivities have their origins in hurtful childhood experiences, such as repeatedly being criticized, rejected or controlled.

The Key to Goal Achievement and Productivity!

So, what does it mean when you are going with the flow, but instead of holding on loosely, you have let go entirely and are completely unmotivated and unproductive?

I got a lot of positive feedback on the newsletter about surrendering New Year’s resolutions. I think it spoke to a number people.  I had to practice my own advice quite a bit last fall as I was rebranding my business. I had hoped to have my new logo and website completed by November 2016. 

As we move into the new year, you hear a lot about setting goals and New Year’s resolutions. That has never been something I do. My experience has been a lot like many people; you start off strong, but then when the results are not seen, the energy changes.

Hope. Mindfulness. Renewal. Relationship management. These terms may sound like the elements of a marriage encounter, but they are also at the heart of the concept of “resonant leadership.” 

“We can build our leadership upon fear, obligation, or trust. However, only a foundation of trust results in the collaboration and goodwill necessary to achieve our peak performance.”